My Bloody Office Life

So... as you all know I have weird stories in my office...
Unfortunately I tried posting them on Facebook 5 times but it always froze on me at work. so I gave up. Instead I will tell all 3 stories that happened to me recently.
Now don't get me wrong. I love my job... but I do weird things like push a 8 foot shopping cart... Wear a giant apple suit... Get hit by a 20 pound fish... Get stuck in a 2 floor elevator... Misprinted the word Duck on a few thousand papers and said Peking F*... well you get the picture. 

Story 1) The Bloody Boxes

 In the office there was an emergency... I didn't know what it was. I just knew something was up in the warehouse. The alarm rang and people were screaming calling the health and safety. I went to one of my friends in warehouse and asked, "Why is it so loud?"
Friend: We found some blood on a few boxes in the warehouse!
Me: ... what?!??!?! Someone was bleeding?
Friend: Ye, health and safety wants to make sure they're ok and so they can't sue... and it looked like there was a lot of blood... maybe something fell on them or they cut themselves against some metal...
Me: what does it look like?
My friend took me over to the most noticeable blood stain
Friend: Man that cut must have lost a lot of blood
Me: ... uhhh ... wow...
Friend told me to stay away from the area and to prevent any more accidents...

Well truth be told that wasn't blood... See once in a while I get hungry in the office so I eat some left over Ketchup chips from the expired box... See if you had ketchup chips you would know they stain your hands REALLY EASILY. So It looks super red....There's no tissue in the warehouse so I had to wipe my hands off something.... and yeee...

... So health and Safety have fun finding out who was bleeding!

Story 2) The Broken Printer

Looks normal right... There was a paper jam so I opened the printer... buttt..... when you moved the ink....

  

My co worker actually managed to burst the ink cartridges all over the printer so now it has permanent colorful stains

 This was an old story... if you recall the printer printed this picture... which shows that if a printer prints this... your printer is busted.


 Now we got two people fixing our printer today. Both were Asians who looked identical.

I walked by them and they were smiling
Both: Hey there fellow China man
Me: ... Hi?
Both: How are you
Me: Good... hows the printer?
Both: Not Good.
Me: Oh that sucks
Both: Did you break?
Me: No...
Both: You break you buy! Ha Ha Ha
Me: hahahaha... *walk away*

5 minutes later I had to go to the mail room to deliver flyers, and then the two asians walked past me with an ink cartridge.
Both: Hey again
Me: Well hi to you too, what's up?
Both: Ink bad, but you break you buy!
Me: ... hahaha... *walk away*

I walked towards the customer service department and both Asian guys popped out in the room and said, HEY YOU AGAIN *holding the dead printer*
Me: AH crap....
Both: Hey everyone, he break printer.
Me: ... ye sure...
Both: Rememebr you break you buy!
Me: ... *Walk away*

So I decided to go to the marketing cage to find a document, when I unlocked the cage, I saw a pile moving... so I thought it was rats.
Turns out it was both those Asians putting away the dead printer....
Both: Hey its China man again.
Me: ... How da hell did you get in here
Both: Well printer died
Me: ... that doesn't answer my question
Both: You break yo-
Me: No seriously, why the hell did you lock yourselves into this cage. And why do you keep showing up everywhere!
And then they both giggled and left... I never saw them again.




 Story 3) The special office...

I'm tired so I'll make it short.So in my office I had to find some stock photos for our FB group... I had to go to our ancient computer room... which looks horrendous right now because we are cleaning our office as we speak...
Now how old is this equipment? We have a mac connected to an old school PC....

 

Man my eyes still hurt from the lights flickering...

I can't wait for vacation this weekend...